During my last trip to the beach I noticed something that I've always known but never consciously realized: whenever I'm walking around with my youngest (1 y/o), almost everyone I pass smiles at him, and by extension smiles at me.

My son is currently starting to walk, so he's extra cute as he bumbles along, holding onto my hand for dear life while at the same time trying to rip my arm to make me go faster. He's, by all intents and purposes, a happy baby. So excited and happy, hungry for life, so "joyful" for everything around him. People we pass always give him the biggest, warmest smiles, often accompanied by a wave of the hand and some nice words. Their joy is often such that it spills over, and I end up receiving some of it as well. And it feels nice.

It feels good to connect with people in such a "superficial" but at the same time so "deep" way. Though maybe a better term would be "in such an effortless way." Usually there are so many walls between us, and having a baby in the middle (or a dog or cat or whatever cute thing) is like realizing the wall doesn't extend forever, and we can easily meet at the corner for a short while, exchange some pleasantries, and then go back to our own presumed fortresses.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could always meet each other in this way? Why is it that we need an intermediary, a bridge, in order to be really nice to each other?

I was thinking about this, and while I don't have a definitive answer, I think it has much to do with the sense of safety that a baby provides. There are basically few things around that are more inoffensive than a small child and his caregiver. People know, for a fact, that no harm of any kind will come from us, so they're more relaxed and open to just be themselves. Moreover, they know that we're happy, which also makes them happy, which contributes to their sense of safety. Babies also tend to smile at everyone and, in general, exude a sense of "love" for all that they see, especially when they're strangers they meet while walking outside1.

Would it work if we as adults could manage to project the same sense of harmlessness as a baby? What if we were to work on ourselves in such a way that we would eliminate all desires for power and domination, all egotistical notions of superiority, confrontation, and competition?

Maybe people are just hardwired to be "nice" in the presence of babies. It's an evolutionarily sound behavior that promotes the survival of our tribe. Maybe there's a similar "hardwiring" that has us also feel "safe" in the presence of a loving person?

This reminds me of Ram Dass's initial description of his guru Neem Karoli Baba. I'm actually not entirely sure how the quote goes, but he describes him as someone who just loves everyone unconditionally, which causes those around him to feel love for him (and for those others with him) in return.

(Interesting, eh? Sounds like pretty much what I'm saying about walking around with a baby. I've actually heard NKB often described as "a big baby.")

So, can we become this sort of being that's just full of unconditional love for everyone? Well, yeah, I guess, maybe. There have been many documented cases of such beings (religious and otherwise). Often we even encounter them in our daily lives, as it happened to me not long ago with that old man in the supermarket.

Would be nice... I'm, of course, very far away from this. Prone to anger and irritability and the whole spectrum of ugly human emotions. But maybe with enough dedication it's possible? Enough intent to just be a nicer person.

...

I can't help but ask myself why I am even thinking about this. Well, obviously "being liked" is a great thing, a feeling many of us expend lots of energy pursuing. But I don't think that's it, or at least not entirely.

If I think back about my walks with my son, I see that there's also a bigger part to it: the act of giving. What makes me happiest is bringing people joy, seeing their beautiful smiles light up, seeing how they naturally put aside, if even just for the blink of a smile, any pretenses or schemes for who they are or what they want.

THAT is what really makes me feel "good" whenever I walk around with my son: the act of giving. And it is a giving, even though a giving of something that can never be exhausted.

There's so much fear around. We all live with some amount of fear for ourselves, for being judged, or for what others might do to us. Giving those in our vicinity a brief respite from it all is worth more than can be measured. Be it walking by them with my baby (or pet or whatever) or just smiling at them as a weird-ass bearded adult.

Footnotes

  1. Well, or so it was for me with both my kids. They both loved to walk and just wave at random people on the way. ↩