The tree, the moon, all here, and yet gone so soon.
A water droplet, falling, its end clear, but for the moment containing everything that is, in perfect harmony, everything reflected according to its nature.
As it falls it wonders, "who is the droplet"?
(hint: you are)
As I write this I'm lying in a camping tent with my sleeping son right next to me. It's currently 9 pm.
This weekend we came on a camping trip. If you can believe it this is my first ever time camping out in earnest. We came here with a large part of my wife's extended family, though today it's only a few of us so it's mostly quiet. We'll see how it is tomorrow when everyone else gets here.
We're staying close to a river. The sound and absolute lack of light (except for my phone) are slowly lulling me to sleep, so today's will probably be a short post.
The weather is perfect. Not too warm, not too cold; there's a tiny bit of rain pattering on the canvas roof. It seems to be almost in time with the tapping of my fingers on the screen.
...
I have to admit that I didn't want to come on this trip. My wife organized it, and I just felt powerless to resist, even though I could have just said "no". But now, after spending most of the day here, I'm glad I came.
I was actually looking forward to the "camping" part. What made me uncomfortable was the fact that we would be spending three full days with a bunch of other people, which triggered my social anxiety.
As I said, it's only a few of us right now, but I think I'm past my initial discomfort. Even though I don't know most of the others I think everything will be alright. The good part about there being so many people is that I can disappear every once in a while to recharge, and it's likely no one will notice my absence.
...
I've been thinking lately about the idea of "oversharing". Am I oversharing with everything that I write here on the blog? I hope not.
A few days ago they sent a company-wide missive where I work telling people not to overshare. It said it might make your coworkers uncomfortable while at the same time putting them in complicated situations. Since then I've also seen a couple of people online talking about how oversharing is bad.
The first thing I thought when I read that email was that it was wrong. Of course, extreme oversharing or "problem dumping" is neither nice nor respectful, but I felt like that email was aiming at minimizing how we, as colleagues, relate to each other as humans.
I'm the kind of person to whom people often tell their problems. It's always been like that, and part of it, I think, is because I care about them and I try to listen.
(When I finished high school I wanted to study psychology. It was, and is, an extremely interesting field to me, but I was also already more or less doing the work of a psychologist with many of my peers!)
I've had some occasions where coworkers tell me things from their lives that go beyond what you would expect from a work relationship. Things they care about and maybe don't have anyone to talk with, or maybe work stuff that no one else would understand. Or maybe they just want to get things off their chest.
Every damn time this happens I see how they do a takeback. I see their eyes panic for a second, realizing they've crossed an imaginary boundary, and I try to make them see that it's okay and I'm glad they told me whatever it was. We talk, I try to give my best advice if requested, and then we go our own ways. Sometimes we never broach the subject again; other times I ask for follow-ups if I feel it's appropriate.
What I'm trying to get at is that it's so sad that this culture of "not oversharing" is also putting a stigma, a taboo, on the human act of talking about worries and desires-on the act of connecting on a real emotional level.
I understand where this comes from in a work environment. On one hand your employer doesn't want you and your colleagues to waste time talking about random stuff. On the other, having a deeper emotional connection might bias you toward that person and make it harder for you to take a tough call should you have to. Still, I think most people are able to build genuine human bridges while at the same time keeping work and relationships as separate things.
What I don't understand is why there's an online movement stopping this kind of sharing. ... Well, I guess if you look long enough you'll find anything online, so perhaps this point is moot.
Anyway. It might be that I'm misinterpreting the term "oversharing". But even so, I wouldn't want folks' attempts to avoid extremes to also make them feel bad or inappropriate when talking to others about their very own random human life.
As we ourselves have a lot of questions, uncertainties, and worries, so does everyone else. Taking some time to listen to others, being open to them, especially when they're asking for that connection, can mean a lot.
This is a picture of another river we saw on our way here. It's actually very near where we're camping, but it's much larger. Maybe they're connected in some way?
