Due to unexpected circumstances, we ended up coming to the beach again. My wife's sister has a property she owns and usually rents during this period, but for some reason it was free this week, so we all came over. It's on the Caribbean coast, in the midst of a rain forest. The property has two floors, and the view of the sunrise from the top windows is spectacular.

It's 8 a.m. as I write this, sitting in my room. Outside my window, I hear a woodpecker playing its beat against a nearby tree, the lone car passing on the road below, and, far away, the call of the sea.

For all the complaining I do on my blog, I have to admit I'm extremely lucky for all the luck, goodness, and opportunities I have in my life. I've decided that that is going to be my theme for the day: gratitude.

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I haven't been that happy with these past few posts in this series. The writing is meh, and I often feel I'm just doing them to get them out of the way, especially if I write them at night when I'm already tired. I still enjoy the process, but I would like to shake things up a bit to make it more enjoyable for me to write and for you to read.

The first thing I need to do is admit that I'm taking all this too seriously. This is a problem I've constantly struggled with in the past: I start working on something and then end up putting it on a pedestal and, if I'm not careful, I end up not wanting to touch it anymore for fear of marring it.

But the whole reason for this vomits series is to actually provide myself with an outlet to write crappy stuff. If I want to write a post that contains both a complaint about how my feet hurt and an appreciation for the sunrise, then that should be fine.

I don't know why I keep raising the bar for myself over and over until it's impossibly high. And the worst thing is that I don't even know what the bar here is; it sure as hell is not "quality".

Whenever I question myself about why, I get back an answer saying that "your readers wouldn't enjoy reading about THAT", even though I'm pretty sure that absolutely no one consistently reads these posts except by chance¹.

Also, if someone does read them, then doesn't that mean they enjoy them? Doesn't it shift the responsibility so that it's up to the readers to enjoy my crappy writing and not for me to write what I think they would like?

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I remember reading someone saying "one should write for one's ideal readers"; in that way, the things one would naturally write and what those readers would enjoy are aligned. I think it maybe was from Visakanv? I looked for the quote but couldn't find it.

Anyway...

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I have a small Moleskine notebook lying around, and for a long time I've wanted to do something with it. It's the perfect size to fit in my pocket so I can take it wherever I go.

A while back I read about commonplace books, which I think would be suited for what I want to do. The idea is basically that you carry a notebook with you so you can write things you observe and learn to remember them for later. This frees up your mind to think and create connections rather than having to use your mental energy to ensure you don't forget things.

I want to put a twist on this concept, though, and instead of writing what I learn I want to focus on writing down ideas that pop into my head throughout the day. I often have cool ideas that I just forget due to the natural tides of the brain. For now, I want to focus on ideas that would be cool to write about here.

Granted, I work from home and often prefer not going anywhere, but still, the presence of a physical object helps keep my mind centered on the fact I have a long-term storage system for ideas, even if said object is sitting on my desk. But yeah, I often get my best ideas as I'm out and about, observing the doings and happenings of those around me.

I should definitely go out more!

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Today's thoughts:

• I often prefer to play with the kids at the beach rather than socializing with the adults. Digging holes and making castles is the best; talking about finances is boring AF.
• I'm realizing that the reason I'm afraid of people I know reading what I write is because, while I complain about my problems and shortcomings, it's also obvious that I don't do crap shit to solve them. Just wallowing in self-pity.
• Something else I'm realizing is that I usually spread my writing throughout the day, often in 5-minute bursts. That makes the end result feel fragmented.

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!New section alert! Links corner ™️ (tentative name; why do I always put corner on everything?). This will be a sporadic section with cool reads/links/videos/media I've consumed throughout the day. Oh, "Good Reads" is actually another cool name and might confuse search engines.

• Taravangian & Saviours No One Asked For — I stumbled on this post yesterday after writing my own post on the trope of the smart man who becomes dumb. It was a great read and an excellent analysis! I've also checked out some of the other posts on this blog, and so far they're great and very interesting, mostly analyzing how we make sense of our lives through different stories.

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Footnotes

1. If chance it may be. ↩