Last updated: 2025-11-14

Hi, welcome to my now page! You can see previous versions here.

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Wow almost a month since my last now update! Well I guess my head has just been busy with other stuff (a good part of it has been with playing Hollow Knight: Silksong). I've been meaning to update this page for a while now, but I never manage to find the motivation to do it. You know how it is.

But today... Today is different somehow. Since my last now update, the amount of writing that I do has decreased substantially (I even stopped doing my morning pages!), but the thought of it has always been in the back of my mind. Though lately it has been getting stronger. I recently (two weeks ago) began journaling mostly every day, and now here we are.

I think two things conspired to make me take a break from writing. The first was that writing and editing Sacred Labor was perhaps a bit traumatizing. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew with that one! I think the story turned out quite well all things considered, but during the whole process I had to force myself to write it. I thought this was going to be a good thing for me, not to depend on motivation to write something, but maybe I aimed too high :P Anyway... The second thing was that I've been using most of my free time playing Silksong. It's been great fun, but creative pressure is starting to build up and wants out. I guess that's good.

It's good to take breaks every once in a while, if only for the fact that it allows us to see ourselves from a different point of view.

Now

• Thinking about the perennial issue of writing more. Not sure what I'll write about though. Or if I want that writing to appear here on my blog or for it to be more private journal-style. I feel my blog is currently sort of in hibernation mode, waiting for the Great Thaw.
• Related to the above, I've been thinking a lot about the issue of "momentum" for my internet identity. Every idea I get for a post gets rejected by my inner critic with the thought that "your readers won't be interested in that!". It's like I built this image of Meadow and now it's so hard to do anything because any action will change it, and change it for the worse. Things are in stasis. No change, preserved, but at the same time there's no possibility for growth.
  • I actually have this idea that it would be fun to create a brand new blog and just write there for some weeks without disclosing my real fake-identity. I get the feeling this will ease the pressure of trying to maintain a given expected identity, to remain on brand so to speak.
  • At the same time, this is really just putting off the inevitable right? Whatever new persona I assume will eventually calcify, and I'll be back where I'm now.
  • So, for the moment, I'm just staying here. Trying to figure out how to break the ice that has formed around my pen. I'm trying not to worry that much about it though. My approach is write first, and everything else will come on its own.
• I've been struggling with my 3y/o a bit lately. The experts of the internet assure me it's a normal part of child development but he can just be such an asshole sometimes. Expressing himself with violence, crying over everything. I just don't know how to handle it, especially if I'm tired/irritable myself.
  • Though to be fair sometimes he's also a perfectly sweet and kind kid, so all hope is not lost yet.
  • I'm trying to frame this as him not having the tools to deal with his big emotions. This outlook helps a bit, and allows me to reframe the situation so that my role is to help him learn techniques to deal with how he feels.
    • Too bad I also struggle with this myself! I guess we'll just have to learn together.

Reading

(you can also find me on Hardcover)

• On Writing by Stephen King
  • Man I really need to get back to reading this! It's been a long while that I don't touch it but I do want to finish it. There's a lot of good stuff in it.
• Snuff by Terry Pratchett
  • I love Terry Pratchett so much! It's been a while since I read anything from him. I'm only a few chapters into the book but I'm liking it so far.
• Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
  • I first read this book in my freshman year at college and it was such an important part of my formative experience at that time that I was extremely surprised when I realized I basically haven't re-read this book even once! It's still as good as I remember, though there are many things I didn't remember, and now that I'm older perhaps understand some things a bit better.

Watching

• An aunt recommended us Bon Appétit, Your Majesty and it's been surprisingly fun! It's a weird mix between drama and comedy that's really entertaining to watch. The actors are also really good, and the cinematography is great.
  • The overall story is so-so, but every episode on it's own has been drawing me in so far, so it means it must be good.

Projects

• Recently I discovered a site for tracking reading progress called TrackBear. Going to the website every time I want to track writing progress is a bit tedious so I'm toying with making an Obsidian plugin for it. Still very experimental. I'm also really making this just for myself as I'm not sure how to make it generic and useful for everyone without it becoming too complex.
  • If you would be interested in using this then I would love to hear from you, and what your workflow usually looks like!
• I'm also working on a tentative project I'm calling Hoarder. It's a bookmarking service for links and text and images (knowledge in general). It's still not super well formed as an idea though it's already quite functional!
  • I don't know yet where it's going or if I'll keep working on it so I haven't announced it anywhere. However, I'm already using it for my own bookmarks so I guess that means it's functional enough for the average person?