I wasn't able to sing before having a son
I was never what you would considered a singer or even an outgoing person (not that the two are the same). When singing was involved I would usually remain silent, worrying that I would sound off key, or that I wouldn't know the words and people would notice, or any other myriad of possible scenarios which are common to those who worry endlessly about stuff. In some way, I perceived the act of singing as something very intimate and I never managed to break through that barrier I had imposed upon myself. That is, until I had a son, but it wasn't that easy.
After he was born, my wife used to sing to him all the time. She has beautiful voice, knows lots of songs, and is so confident in her ability that she doesn't really think about it. I, however, shied away from the act, as if a panel of judges would condemn me for my sub-par singing and banish me into the eternal void.
My wife used to get (a little bit) angry at me about this, telling me I should take the opportunity to sing to him now since before I knew it he would grow up and I would regret not having done it. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to do it, or at least not immediately. I, of course, knew of my problem and I wanted to be able to share singing time with him, especially because he seemed to enjoy it so much when my wife (or others) sang to him. So I started small, with what I knew I could comfortably do.
I've always been a musical person. I don't (didn't) sing, but I've always been good at playing instruments and picking up songs by ear. So I picked up a small Kalimba I had lying around, which my wife had gifted me for a past Christmas, and I set out to learn the tunes of some lullabies. I started with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and then moved on to some other ones, my wife would sing and I would accompany her with the tune.
Then I took another step. I ditched the crutch of the kalimba and starting humming the songs while we were getting ready for bed. Now that I think about it, this happened pretty much by itself once I got comfortable with the whole routine. I didn't think much about it at the time.
As he grew up more he started playing at singing songs, coming up with random words that followed the same melody. To my own surprise, I found myself inescapably drawn to his game, and before I knew it I was singing at the top of my lungs with him, coming up with silly songs, making him laugh, and in general having a good time. I think at this time my crutch was that specific melody, one I knew very well by this point and was comfortable riffing on.
Fast forward some months and now I don't feel any hesitation singing to my son, be it in public or in private. Actually, it's one of our favorite games, and we're even starting to introduce new melodies, new words, and even dancing (another thing which I've always considered myself incapable of doing)!
Why am I writing all of this you might ask? Well, this is a reflection on the fact that all creative endeavors, all activities that require you to make something, will call for you to put a piece of yourself out there for all to see, and that can be uncomfortable. The trick, when you feel self-conscious about starting, is to start small.
You often hear people say "take baby steps", but seldom we take this advise. Instead we think that starting small is not a good way to improve, so we bite out too much and invariably end up dropping whatever it is we're doing. In the process end up demotivated and thinking we're just incapable of doing it. Instead, it's better to start doing small things which are slightly uncomfortable, but that you trust you can do, and over time you'll see your own confidence, and capabilities grow.
I imagine it a bit like starting to wear glasses. If you've ever gone from no-glasses to glasses (and you're not one of those rare people great self-esteem) then you know how the first few days (or weeks) can be a little uncomfortable, being self-conscious. But then you get used to it, you just stop thinking about it. It's a little bit like that.
~ 🌿