Last night I dreamed something weird. I was part of some sort of city that lived exclusively in one very large building like a big mall. Someone was attacking/invading us and I somehow ended up as part of the makeshift army, it wasn't something I wanted to do but I felt it was my responsibility, even if I would've preferred not to harm anyone.

The attacks from the invader came at night and we didn't know where they would be, so we basically roamed the building, either by ourselves or in groups. I was by myself. We'd found some equipment but it was old and consisted mostly of a padded jacket and a very old and very used hunting knife and sword. Even though these were old and the edge was no longer straight they were still sharp as razors, with a clean sheen on the metal.

During the first attack I was walking around by myself, it was all quiet and I was apprehensive though not really scared. I remember looking at my knife and wondering where it had come from.

At the end of the first night I returned my gear. Some of our group had seen some action, though the area I had patrolled was completely empty. I knew that in part it was because I was trying to avoid it (fighting; action) and I felt guilty about this.

On the second night we armored up again though this time I ended up with a different knife. It was very similar to the one I had the night before but something was different even if they looked almost identical. I looked briefly for my old knife but didn't find it so I stuck with the new one. It was still as sharp and wobbly edged as the other.

This second night there were more people around, almost as if it wasn't yet really nighttime when we started patrolling. I was again by myself. At some point I saw three people, a woman and two men, get into some sort of small pod. They were happy and giggly, and I knew that was their bed and they were all romantically involved. I knew they were civilians, those I wanted to protect.

I suddenly was one of the two men. It was dark and warm and I felt the hotness and bare skin all around me. We were no longer in the pod, and now I was lying on a (hotel?) bed, it was only me and the woman who had turned into my wife. We were both naked, our heads pointing in opposite directions. We were like this because she was going on a long trek and this would help her stay in shape and energized. I was sure she would be alright on her journey. I'm not sure if she asked me to do this or I did it because I knew of her trek. I don't remember if I was going on that trek as well.

---

Oh well. That was a fun dream. As I was writing it I was hit with the fact that the knives stand for some ancient spiritual tradition, and represent the thing I use to tackle my spiritual question and problems. I'm not sure which exactly they represent, but in the past I was very much into Buddhism, and now I'm starting to be very interested by Taoism. Perhaps this is it? They look similar, and yet are different, but both are extremely sharp and we'll used.

Another thing I think it's important to highlight is my feeling of guilt for not facing the enemies. Who am I running away from? What am I avoiding? In the dream I tell myself I avoid them because I don't want to harm no one, but is it actually because I'm afraid of death? I am, of course. Afraid.

I have the tool, yet I don't use it. I have the thought that someday I'll be strong enough to use it, but someday is not now. "Use it now", is what I think the dream is saying. I keep changing weapon but I don't use it.