Dreamt that I was meeting with someone at a party. That someone was a poet or at least a literary person in the Spanish language, and I had given him an appointment so that we could talk about the possibility of me hiring him to teach me to properly write in Spanish. He agreed.

The whole pervasive feeling of the dream was of hope and redemption. I was feeling joyful at the idea of being able to properly write in Spanish (my main language) because my writing in English sucks.

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This is interesting as it calls back to a question I've been asking myself for a long time now. It's also interesting that, as far as I remember, I haven't dreamt about it before.

I'm not sure how to interpret this though. The obvious message seems to be "don't be an idiot, stop writing in English and start writing in a language that you actually manage well (Spanish)", but when I consider this in my waking life I get a sense of wrongness.

Spanish is weird, and there are many expressions I don't know, many ways are missing to say the things that I want to say. It is true though, that my Spanish is more fully exposed to everyday vocabulary and usages, while my English is highly artificial and based mostly on what I read online and my interactions at work. I might know fancy English words but my vocabulary in Spanish is more complete and well rounded, not to say anything about my feel for tense and conjugation (I tend to do a lot of basic mistakes when I write in English).

I'm open to other dreams of this nature (looking forward to it actually).

I remember that when I was starting college I yearned to write and even considered my ideal profession to be a writer. I have to say I enjoy very much writing random stuff on my blog. What changed? I don't know. Life I guess. Other distractions, other toys, other things to occupy my time mostly. Ahh.. Now this is devolving into the age old question of "how to maintain motivation". I've written quite a bit about this, to no avail.

Maybe it's all just a matter of self esteem, and not of which language I write in as long as I'm comfortable with that language. I feel like my writing in English was a lot better when I was posting more actively on my blog. I think it was because I worked on the text and tried to understand how to improve it.